stupid fucking monday

well im pissed. and this day is going to last for fucking ever. and im so sexually frustrated right now i could kill someone. my guy of course, hes not sexually frustrated anymore, he got his. i got nothing. fair is not a word that comes to mind lately when i think of our relationship and it depresses me to no end. what the fuck am going to do? just be 3 holes and a pair of feet for the rest of my life with him? what the fuck have i gotten myself into.

company xmas party

wow. what a fucking weekend. i cant believe what a stressful and awful time i had and then how much fun i had...all in the same day. my guys dead friends funeral was on saturday morning and my company xmas party was the same evening. well, fucking wonderful how late we were to the company party...my guy was in traffic and the funeral went long or something, i dont think he realy gave me a straight answer why he took so fucking long. like left at 8am to get to san bernadino and didnt get back until after5pm. thats like a fucking work day. ANYWAY i dont give a fuck and im glad thats over. especially bcs i wasnt allowed to go. i wasnt needed. my guy loses a friend and he doesnt need me he needs his gay friend. thats who makes him cry and feel depressed about te loss of his friend so he goes to the funeral and blubbers all over him and when he gets home he barely talks to me. he doesnt tell me about it or anything. just tells me that this gay friend of his (used to be ours) was like his bob from fight club, hes the one who makes him feel remorse and sadness bcs he lost a friend. what a fuck tard.
so we go to the xmas party, which was wonderful! i got VERy drunk...oh so drunk! i think my guy did too but i was honestly too drunk to notice...it was so fun to dress up a little and eat all sorts of amazing free food :D surf and turf! AND my company had the whole fucking restaurant. i dont know how we can afford it but we rented the whole place for the night...and everything was free! amazing.
there was this bartender that made me a drink called a wet pussy. oh my god. i asked him if he knew how to make it and he said he knew the drink but was unsure of the ingredients...i told him not to worry and went out for a smoke...well when i went inside there was a waitress at the door and she directed me to the bar saying, "we have a shot ready for you" i laughed and went to the bar and there it was! a wet pussy in its mots delicious shot state...then later i begged him to make me a double, put it in a martini glass and call it a soaking pussy...rofl the boy said sopping pussy. i like both lol
after dinner and massive amounts of alcohol we went back to the complimentary hotel room we got for the night...oh my god. i cant even being to describe the crazy things that happened in that bedroom. now howl the phone, sex is a given. of course we had crazy kinky sex but FIRST...i smoked...then i smoke a cigarette..then we hard a little too much noise fromt he pool below...there were ppl soaking their feet in the spa...now thats harmless enough right? but it was like2 in the morning and they were loud. im pretty sure that these were ppl i knew from work. well, one of the hotel guys came out and told them to leave. well, they took forever. with TONS of fighting. i cuoldnt belive how spoiled these boys and girls were. talking horridly loud, yelling that theyre helping keep this hotel in business and thyll be lucky if they ever come back for their party. DAMN. i was so surprised. they were smoking and drinking and laughing, telling the guard or escort i guess how ridiculous it was that they couldnt do whatever they wanted...they were obviously wasted. and the guard...walked them to the elevator! lol he made 100% sure that they were going to bed or somewhere that wasnt so echoy that the whole hotel could hear...
well after they left...there were 3 other voices that came about an hour later...2 men and a woman...talking about prostitution. now if you think im kidding im not, if you think it was funny, holy shit ive never laughed so hard and quietly in my entire life. these ppl talking about paying $15 for a blowjob and not having to worry about having some princess girlfriend that needed a commitment and wouldnt fuck him. this girl was crazy. they were all so dunk. they were so loud, and they were under a little area directly under our room and about 10 other rooms. there was so much echo we could hear them whispering...one of the guys seemed like he needed a prostitute. he didnt want the girl he had. he was tired of dealing with her and he was tired of masturbating. ROFLOL oh yeah he was. he says to the drunk girl "what? whats better? hiring some bitch to suck my dick for $15 and leave for the night? or should i become a chronic masturbator??" oh my fucking god i was laughing so hard. this girl kept trying to make the case for the girlfriend...like she was a great person and worth more then any prostitute could get paid. she was a companion and there for her man. well the drunk horny guy was having none of that! thy kept talking in circles, asking the same questions to each other and each time producing a new a more slurred answer. so many funny answers...so many funny ways to beat around the word whore...the girl who was defending everyone with a vagina, she tried to explain that prostitutes have feelings too and that men shouldnt exploit them...oh the guys had a feild day with that one! oh well maybe she should get a real job, maybe she should be like a normal person. and why would they care about a whores personal life anyway? so what if she had kids or needed money to pay rent, these guys just wanted to use someone for a good emotionless fucking. holy fuck...now im pretty stoned when im hearing all this but i still couldnt help to be appalled and shocked...and humored! BAHAHAHA
then crazy sex until 430 in the morning...what a night.

i want 2008 to be over

im glad no one reads this so i can go on a fucking tirade right now. i have too fucking much in my head right now, i can barely work.
my grandmother is insane, if shes not insane she is so demented that i dont know what to do or how to act around her. shes 84...she thinks shes pregnant, she thinks my grandfather is trying to kill her and wants to divorce her...and she lives in a home. damn it i never should have let my mom and aunt do that. my grandfather, who is still alive, is now living in a house all by himself. ive never had to go through all of this so its really tough for me. ive never lost a family member.
my boyfriend does not talk to me anymore. i know this is very petty but with his recent loss he doesnt even tell me how his day was without tons of prauding. im also about 99.9999% sure he does not want me to atend the funeral with him. fuck. here i am trying to be the supportive girlfriend and be a shoulder to cry on or whatever he needs and he acts like im some kind of unfeeling monster. im definitly a little unfeeling and the ppl goign to this funeral hate me with more then a firey passion and it has now taken him like 3 days to decide if he even wants me to be there. im sure hell ultimatly say no but he cant even come out and fucking say it. fuck him. why should i try to be helpful if he doesnt want it. he didnt tell me he was giving the eulogy until last night and never told me when he found out. hes just hiding a lot from me and its really irksome.
im also going to lose my job. now im not sure of that or anythign but i do know im in trouble. first im not going fast enough but then they ask me to do more. so i need to do more then im doing now and faster. see, my carpal tunnel fucks up my work, which is the reason i have the CTS in the first place. and, so far, no xmas bonus...now i know im not the vest worker. look at me stumble and blog while im suposed to be working but i do pretty damn good work. ive been helping this company get more business for alomst 2 years now. our returns have gone down more then 50% i was told since ive been here...oh well, i could have used that $500. my savings is dwindling thanks to my expensive rent...
i just feel like my life is splitting at the seams.

god damn it

my boyfriends best friend just died. just as old as i am, 24...hes been in a coma for a long time...before that, he was an asshole. im afraid to write my feelings in honesty bcs im sure some horror will befoul me, but he really was. he was funny and interesting, smart as a whip (wHip) but an asshole to the core and proud of it! made me cry on a daily basis for a while...then he stopped being friends with my guy and me, didnt invite us to his wedding, then...a simultaneous heart attack and stroke, just like im grandmother. now hes gone, just another memory of a person that loved and hated me. someone ill never fully understand, but god i hope they keep his version of "what you do to me" entitled "what guys do to me." fuck i wonder where/when the funeral will be...god i wonder what his parent will think when they see all of his "friends." god damn it i hope i can help my guy out. i cried when he told me. i didnt mean to it just happened...

http://sickbastard.wordpress.com/

http://docfox.stumbleupon.com/

utah!

i have nothing against the state but i was just cropping some of their coins...you know, those quarters that have the states on one said and washingtons head on the other...on the coin they proclaim that utah was the "crossroads of the west" just makes me laugh i guess ;D

utah?

i past a car with a utah license plate and it proclaimed that utah had the greatest snow on earth. and i thought to myself, really? of all the hundreds of places to have snow in america, let a lone in the world...utah has the greatest? i wonder if they meant the greatest snow on earth...to go skiing or snowboarding on. maybe the greatest snow on earth...to make snowmen with? sounds silly but i decided to google "best snow in the world" and it came up with odd answers, none utah. of course its not the exact slogan that utah picked but i still found: niigata, japan; zermatt, switzerland; kitzbuhel, austria; and whistler/blackcomb, british columbia as the best matches for my search. and when i google utah's original slogan everything utah comes up, of course...im just not sure where utah came up with the idea that they had the "greatest snow on earth"...

finally, a long weekend

thats what im thankful for! what im not thankful for is having the boy meeting the rest of the family. hes so awesome and their so...conservative. he doesnt need stress or assholes tomorrow i just want him to come and play and visit with ppl so we dont have to do it again lol and worse yet, i feel bad bcs i havent met any of his family, not even his mom and hes going to be meeting everyone in one day! i decided we should bring some whiskey,...for relaxing...and pot, lots of pot lol anything to make him more comfortable. i hope it goes well, theres a bunch of things this year that are different from any other year weve had thanksgiving...my grandma was recently put into a home. my grampy just couldnt take care of her anymore at 89...and her dementia...well its getting worse and worse. she thinks shes preggers...at 86 and she thinks my grampy is trying to hurt her in someway bcs he doesnt want a baby. fuck it just keeps getting crazier...the children that will be there are...um..how can i say this-slow? one of them has Augsburg's...the other are just slow, they dont talk, they barely eat...seems liek they take after their stuck up mother. /sigh im fretting over everything and it hasnt even happened yet...well i know i am and i cant help it. i guess its bcs i know my family so well? technically my parents are the worst and hes met them already so the rest of the family should just be a downhill slid...right? hahaha im so fucking unsure1 every guy i bring home-theyre idiots. they dont talk or they act all opinionated...we shall see i guess
now for work. work is killing my poor wrist. i think i have the wrists of an 80 year old...(anyone watch the simpsons? hehe) eeryday i do the same thing to different coins for 8 hours a day. ouch. i need to order a new wrist brace but i should really wait unti i get paid on friday! have you ever had a weird pay schedual? we get paid twice a month...not every other friday so some weeks i get paid for 80 hours and other weeks i get paid for 88. its just weird and it makes me seond guess my check whenever i get it! at least im getting paid...this economy is so horrible i cant believe were still in business. prise the lord! if he has anything to do with it ;D

some fucking ppl...

jesus christ-you know what i have a problem with? ppl who want more. more more more more. now, there are times that i have been one of those ppl. i wanted more out of my diet soda, or my truck or my clothes ;D hehe but i hate ppl who want more of me. like more time of mine, that i dont have, ppl that want more attention then i have time to give to them! im not talking about my best friend or anything im talking about acquaintances. if my best friend needed me id tell my work i had to go home sick, but there are ppl who i barely know who are all, oh, well i want this, what about this, can yu answer this, well why dont you this...blah! maybe i dont want to give up a million things so i can make one fucking semi-stranger happy. its just like when im driving. ppl just think they are entitled to things, ppl are entitled to not go the speed limit everyday i drive to and from work...and when i get to work ppl want more of my stupid time. and im behind at work! i cant just drop everything and be all, oh lets chat person i know barely anything about, you have my full attention even though youre not paying me like my boss is...and even if they were theyd have to match his prices lol
god i love this blog just to vent.
ive been adding to my collection of male/gay porn...hahaha and no one knows about me and my blog! oh it makes me laugh to see some of the things ppl are into sexually. i mean, im fucked up and i know it but...docking and fletching, oh boys, you crazy fucks...lol
i wonder why ppl think they are all that matters. i mean i get that in your life youre the only one who really matters bcs there is no one else. its just you and you together forever until death, everything and everyone else is inconstant. but there are things in this world that we need to work together on! traffic is the biggest one1 could you imagine if everyone just went as close to the speed limit as they could all the time? everyday it takes me 45 mins to get to work. its a 15 min drive w/o traffic but ppl driving 40 in a 50-55 and ppl who stop dead at yellow lights, fuck them. they ruin my drive to work without another thought. oh! my mascara isnt on! ill just do it at this red light and when it turns green im sure someone will honk at me to let m know. fuck that. fuck ppl who go too slow or keep an unnatural distance from the car in front of them. do you know how much better the...well, californias traffic would be if everyone just tried to go the speed limit when thee is OPEN fucking road in front of them,. i was behind 2 cars going 40 in a 55 stretch of 3 miles. parallel to each other so it was impossible for me to even reach 5 mph UNDER the speed limit. ug. sorry, but if anything stresses me out in the morning its traffic-especially pointless traffic!!! ok, well thats all the complaining i can do for now...

ive got the mondays

damn it do i ever. my Mondays just never seem to end! i work and work and work and then when i look at the time ive only been here for...3 hours...lol well, its finally coming to an end now. i should be off in about an hour...even though my boss wants me to stay longer. i wish i could tell him no, just flat out no. he acts like this work load was all my doing! but he chooses the coins to put into auction and god damn it, he over loaded us. i cant believe how many boxes in one auction he decided to have....oh well, nothing much i can do about it now. i probably wont get a bonus this year-fuck thats going to suck. oh well, anyway, the weekend was ok. i played a ton of wow to be honest...i spent saturday with the boy but when he left for work sunday-i was in my chair trying to gt to lvl 71! i cant believe how much XP it takes...im going to try to get a group tonight, seems like going through dungeons gives more xp then just dong quests....and better drops too!
i dont know if anyone uses stumble upon, but ii love it. i use it at work all the time to distract me from the dull work i have to do. there are days when i come upon problems tho-like when i get an error every time i try to post a picture..."error_too_many_hits' well damn it how am i supposed to post pictures of sexy things when i get error after error?! grawr.
funny as it may sound, ive been trying to act more manly in my habits lately. i dont think its fair that guys think one way and girls think another. it usually lets guys get away with more...not sure i want to word it like that but you know what i mean; i hope. like to be able to masturbate and cum boys say they need visual stimulation. well thats not true from girls, well not true for me anyway. but hey, why the fuck not right? every time i want o get off lately ive must browsed some gay porn...haha so many wonderful things! i like to find boys wrestling....hehehe fights and bondage ;D fun times for me and my orgasms!! i wonder what the boy will say when he finds out? im honestly not sure. hell probably tell me, he donest mind, no biggie, and he might not...its not really good or bad its just...porn.

the weekend is so close i can taste it.

omfg. its almost the end of friday and i fee like im going to jump out the window! lol i wish i could get out right now so i could beat a little traffic but thats not going to happen, were overloaded! christ on a cracker were so overloaded. there must be mre then 20 boxes left of the auction that was supposed to be finished yesterday. i cant believe how many coins people are selling right now....our economy is in the toilet ppl keep sending in their coins! im so glad to have work but theres almost too much! im pretty sure were hiring another person...hopefully they arent a million times better then i am!
well here comes the weekend, only 15 mins away now...i hope you dont run into any zombies :D

troubled times

seems like life is kicking my ass. nothing like money or the economy, i can deal with that nonsense...especially bcs gas prices are finally down in california! YAY! i only spent like $35 to fill up my tank the other day and i drive a ford ranger! i danced a little bit at the gas pump, always a little embarrassing but i was too excited to care!
its just in my personal life i guess. i cant seem to get things right. i cant seem to show my guy that i appreciate him. i didnt even realise there was a problem until the other day and now im stuck with trying to figure out what to do and how to change. heres the fucked up thing...people tell me all the time you cant make someone change but i think i can change for the better, so why cant anyone else? im not sure that i need my guy to change at all but he seems to think im just using him for sex. god damn it all.
oh well. heres a little happy something i have on my work computer...lol