stupid fucking monday

well im pissed. and this day is going to last for fucking ever. and im so sexually frustrated right now i could kill someone. my guy of course, hes not sexually frustrated anymore, he got his. i got nothing. fair is not a word that comes to mind lately when i think of our relationship and it depresses me to no end. what the fuck am going to do? just be 3 holes and a pair of feet for the rest of my life with him? what the fuck have i gotten myself into.

company xmas party

wow. what a fucking weekend. i cant believe what a stressful and awful time i had and then how much fun i had...all in the same day. my guys dead friends funeral was on saturday morning and my company xmas party was the same evening. well, fucking wonderful how late we were to the company party...my guy was in traffic and the funeral went long or something, i dont think he realy gave me a straight answer why he took so fucking long. like left at 8am to get to san bernadino and didnt get back until after5pm. thats like a fucking work day. ANYWAY i dont give a fuck and im glad thats over. especially bcs i wasnt allowed to go. i wasnt needed. my guy loses a friend and he doesnt need me he needs his gay friend. thats who makes him cry and feel depressed about te loss of his friend so he goes to the funeral and blubbers all over him and when he gets home he barely talks to me. he doesnt tell me about it or anything. just tells me that this gay friend of his (used to be ours) was like his bob from fight club, hes the one who makes him feel remorse and sadness bcs he lost a friend. what a fuck tard.
so we go to the xmas party, which was wonderful! i got VERy drunk...oh so drunk! i think my guy did too but i was honestly too drunk to notice...it was so fun to dress up a little and eat all sorts of amazing free food :D surf and turf! AND my company had the whole fucking restaurant. i dont know how we can afford it but we rented the whole place for the night...and everything was free! amazing.
there was this bartender that made me a drink called a wet pussy. oh my god. i asked him if he knew how to make it and he said he knew the drink but was unsure of the ingredients...i told him not to worry and went out for a smoke...well when i went inside there was a waitress at the door and she directed me to the bar saying, "we have a shot ready for you" i laughed and went to the bar and there it was! a wet pussy in its mots delicious shot state...then later i begged him to make me a double, put it in a martini glass and call it a soaking pussy...rofl the boy said sopping pussy. i like both lol
after dinner and massive amounts of alcohol we went back to the complimentary hotel room we got for the night...oh my god. i cant even being to describe the crazy things that happened in that bedroom. now howl the phone, sex is a given. of course we had crazy kinky sex but FIRST...i smoked...then i smoke a cigarette..then we hard a little too much noise fromt he pool below...there were ppl soaking their feet in the spa...now thats harmless enough right? but it was like2 in the morning and they were loud. im pretty sure that these were ppl i knew from work. well, one of the hotel guys came out and told them to leave. well, they took forever. with TONS of fighting. i cuoldnt belive how spoiled these boys and girls were. talking horridly loud, yelling that theyre helping keep this hotel in business and thyll be lucky if they ever come back for their party. DAMN. i was so surprised. they were smoking and drinking and laughing, telling the guard or escort i guess how ridiculous it was that they couldnt do whatever they wanted...they were obviously wasted. and the guard...walked them to the elevator! lol he made 100% sure that they were going to bed or somewhere that wasnt so echoy that the whole hotel could hear...
well after they left...there were 3 other voices that came about an hour later...2 men and a woman...talking about prostitution. now if you think im kidding im not, if you think it was funny, holy shit ive never laughed so hard and quietly in my entire life. these ppl talking about paying $15 for a blowjob and not having to worry about having some princess girlfriend that needed a commitment and wouldnt fuck him. this girl was crazy. they were all so dunk. they were so loud, and they were under a little area directly under our room and about 10 other rooms. there was so much echo we could hear them whispering...one of the guys seemed like he needed a prostitute. he didnt want the girl he had. he was tired of dealing with her and he was tired of masturbating. ROFLOL oh yeah he was. he says to the drunk girl "what? whats better? hiring some bitch to suck my dick for $15 and leave for the night? or should i become a chronic masturbator??" oh my fucking god i was laughing so hard. this girl kept trying to make the case for the girlfriend...like she was a great person and worth more then any prostitute could get paid. she was a companion and there for her man. well the drunk horny guy was having none of that! thy kept talking in circles, asking the same questions to each other and each time producing a new a more slurred answer. so many funny answers...so many funny ways to beat around the word whore...the girl who was defending everyone with a vagina, she tried to explain that prostitutes have feelings too and that men shouldnt exploit them...oh the guys had a feild day with that one! oh well maybe she should get a real job, maybe she should be like a normal person. and why would they care about a whores personal life anyway? so what if she had kids or needed money to pay rent, these guys just wanted to use someone for a good emotionless fucking. holy fuck...now im pretty stoned when im hearing all this but i still couldnt help to be appalled and shocked...and humored! BAHAHAHA
then crazy sex until 430 in the morning...what a night.

i want 2008 to be over

im glad no one reads this so i can go on a fucking tirade right now. i have too fucking much in my head right now, i can barely work.
my grandmother is insane, if shes not insane she is so demented that i dont know what to do or how to act around her. shes 84...she thinks shes pregnant, she thinks my grandfather is trying to kill her and wants to divorce her...and she lives in a home. damn it i never should have let my mom and aunt do that. my grandfather, who is still alive, is now living in a house all by himself. ive never had to go through all of this so its really tough for me. ive never lost a family member.
my boyfriend does not talk to me anymore. i know this is very petty but with his recent loss he doesnt even tell me how his day was without tons of prauding. im also about 99.9999% sure he does not want me to atend the funeral with him. fuck. here i am trying to be the supportive girlfriend and be a shoulder to cry on or whatever he needs and he acts like im some kind of unfeeling monster. im definitly a little unfeeling and the ppl goign to this funeral hate me with more then a firey passion and it has now taken him like 3 days to decide if he even wants me to be there. im sure hell ultimatly say no but he cant even come out and fucking say it. fuck him. why should i try to be helpful if he doesnt want it. he didnt tell me he was giving the eulogy until last night and never told me when he found out. hes just hiding a lot from me and its really irksome.
im also going to lose my job. now im not sure of that or anythign but i do know im in trouble. first im not going fast enough but then they ask me to do more. so i need to do more then im doing now and faster. see, my carpal tunnel fucks up my work, which is the reason i have the CTS in the first place. and, so far, no xmas bonus...now i know im not the vest worker. look at me stumble and blog while im suposed to be working but i do pretty damn good work. ive been helping this company get more business for alomst 2 years now. our returns have gone down more then 50% i was told since ive been here...oh well, i could have used that $500. my savings is dwindling thanks to my expensive rent...
i just feel like my life is splitting at the seams.

god damn it

my boyfriends best friend just died. just as old as i am, 24...hes been in a coma for a long time...before that, he was an asshole. im afraid to write my feelings in honesty bcs im sure some horror will befoul me, but he really was. he was funny and interesting, smart as a whip (wHip) but an asshole to the core and proud of it! made me cry on a daily basis for a while...then he stopped being friends with my guy and me, didnt invite us to his wedding, then...a simultaneous heart attack and stroke, just like im grandmother. now hes gone, just another memory of a person that loved and hated me. someone ill never fully understand, but god i hope they keep his version of "what you do to me" entitled "what guys do to me." fuck i wonder where/when the funeral will be...god i wonder what his parent will think when they see all of his "friends." god damn it i hope i can help my guy out. i cried when he told me. i didnt mean to it just happened...

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utah!

i have nothing against the state but i was just cropping some of their coins...you know, those quarters that have the states on one said and washingtons head on the other...on the coin they proclaim that utah was the "crossroads of the west" just makes me laugh i guess ;D

utah?

i past a car with a utah license plate and it proclaimed that utah had the greatest snow on earth. and i thought to myself, really? of all the hundreds of places to have snow in america, let a lone in the world...utah has the greatest? i wonder if they meant the greatest snow on earth...to go skiing or snowboarding on. maybe the greatest snow on earth...to make snowmen with? sounds silly but i decided to google "best snow in the world" and it came up with odd answers, none utah. of course its not the exact slogan that utah picked but i still found: niigata, japan; zermatt, switzerland; kitzbuhel, austria; and whistler/blackcomb, british columbia as the best matches for my search. and when i google utah's original slogan everything utah comes up, of course...im just not sure where utah came up with the idea that they had the "greatest snow on earth"...